22 Things I Learned from the Class of 2022: Reciprocal Lessons for Living
Congratulations Class of 2022! Congratulations on completing your journey from high school. I wanted to express some of my thoughts to you about the past year and express gratitude for our time together.
Not only did you rejuvenate my love of teaching, but my faith in that “tiny ripples of hope” will be sent in multiple ways.
In addition, John Steinbeck said, “When two people meet, each one is changed by the other so you have two new people.” There is no doubt that great things come from a meeting between people---I know I have changed in so many positive ways because our daily interactions, discussions, debates, conversations, and reading your thinking.
Here are 22 lessons that were validated or discovered:
Lesson #1: Rumi said, “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today, I am wise so I am changing myself.” Tolstoy said, “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”
Be the change, you wish to see. Start small. Act locally. Small change is still change!
It is difficult to expect peace across the globe when we can’t treat the people next to us or ourselves peacefully.
Lesson #2: We need to be flexible and realistic in our thinking-not fall into toxic mental traps or succumb to rigid schemas. Your life satisfaction increases when you can quiet your inner critic.
Good and bad things happen, but usually for the reasons we give to them. Consider thinking for pleasure. Compassionately. For growth. For clarity. For yourself.
Lesson #3: Happiness is contagious and transformative. We are not living in Edward Hopper paintings. Sociability is our evolutionary inheritance. With the help of others we can take an “L” and another “L” and together, turn them into a “W.”
Ubuntu translates as “I am because we are.” As Desmond Tutu explained, “We believe that a person is a person through other persons…Therefore you seek to work for the common good because your humanity comes into its own in community, in belonging.”
Lesson #4: While cynical hostility is attractive, the power of belief, optimism, and positive expectations are actually powerful tools. Believe. Hope. Dream. Aspire.
Matthew McConaughey reminds us What's so unbelievable about tragedy, about triumph, about people that raise us up or let us down?" he asked. "It happens every single day. We shouldn't think that the most beautiful sunset, or the greatest play, or the greatest love of our life, or the greatest moment of euphoria is unbelievable - believe it. It's happening right in front of you in you.”
Lesson #5: Try to avoid weapons of mass distraction and give a little more intention to your attention.
In any part of our day how present are we? 20% of our day? 50% of our day? You are what you pay attention to. Cell phones connects us with others, but also can disconnect us from ourselves.
Jon Kabat-Zinn defines mindfulness as awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgementally. Ferris Bueller’s famous quote reminds us that “Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
Lesson #6: The character of Peter Brand in the film Moneyball states: “People are overlooked for a variety of biased reasons and perceived flaws.”
Cultural competency matters! Carl Rogers believed that all humans need to be regarded positively by others. We need to feel valued, respected, treated with affection and loved.
To flourish, we need an environment that provides us with openness, acceptance (unconditional positive regard) and empathy (being listened to and understood). Simply, celebrate young people in our classrooms for who they are, rather than what the world tells us they are not.
Lesson #7: Work hard but play harder. Time is the most valuable commodity. Stuart Brown defines play as time spent without purpose. When we play we gain what is invisible to the eye, yet powerful and meaningful. Joy derived from the activity itself.
“Contrary to what we usually believe…the best moments in our lives, are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times-although such experiences can be enjoyable if we worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. Optimal experience is thus something we make happen.” -Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi
Lesson #8: Research on rescuers suggest that we are all heroes in waiting. Each of you has a unique superpower-a strength that is underutilized but helps to add a spark to the quality of life of those around you. Use this strength more often—it makes the world a better place.
“There are things you can do that no one else on Earth can ever do.” -Arcade Fire
Lesson #9: Kindness counts. Compassion matters. As Tolstoy wrote, “The kinder and the more thoughtful a person is, the more kindness he can find in other people.” And “nothing can make our life, or the lives of other people, more beautiful than perpetual kindness.”
Kindness creates agency. To be kind requires courage and strength. Be kind to others. Be kind to yourself.
Lesson #10: Keeping it real has value. As Brene Brown helps us to see, “Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are.” It is always easier trying to be what others want us to be.
But be brave. Find your reason for being. Know your why. Then, simply do you. Authenticity requires we own our experiences so we can know our true selves.
Lesson #11: You are in fact the only experts on your life. But know we are often wrong about what we think will bring us joy or unhappiness. We often adapt. As the end of history illusion illustrates, we often underestimate our capacity to change throughout our lives.
As John O’Donohue writes, “There is a quiet light that shines in every heart. It draws no attention to itself, though it is always secretly there. It is what illuminates our minds to see beauty, our desire to seek possibility, and our hearts to love life. Without this subtle quickening our days would be empty and worrisome, and no horizon would ever awaken our longing. Our passion for life is quietly sustained from somewhere in us that is wedded to the energy and excitement of life.”
Lesson #12: Lean into community. A solid and positive community helps each of us to grow and live well together.
“As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has or ever will have something inside that is unique to all time. It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.” -Mr. Rogers
Lesson #13: Take time to think for yourself more often. The best university is the internet. It is tempting to parrot the thoughts of smart people. Lazy thinking is something we all do.
We use decisions of others as a heuristic or mental shortcut often to navigate our lives. Think better and develop your own mental models.
“It’s your road, and yours alone, others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.”― Rumi
Lesson #14: Add elements to your life that enhance it and subtract those elements that detract from it. As Roman philsopher Seneca taught, be ruthless to those things that don’t matter!
Ryan Holiday writes, “The more you say no to things that don’t matter, the more you can say yes to the things that do.”
You can’t show or feel the future. All we have is right now. Live your life, deliberately, on purpose. You won’t regret it.
Lesson #15: You are more than your successes. School is designed as a success and failure construct. In life fail more often, and fail better.
Perfectionism is not a substitute for the experience that a good failure provides. We are proud of you when you showed up and didn’t win or finished second or even fifth. We should praise your effort more and your accomplishments less.
Lesson #16: Love wins. And we should celebrate this more often. Love actually is all around us.
Believing in the positive possibilities of the human spirit doesn’t make you a naive idealist, it makes you human.
Lesson #17: Your special ingredient in this world is you! As Naval Ravikant has written, “No one can compete with you on being you.”
Havard’s Dark Horse project, a study of successes no one saw coming, reveal that there is no recipe for successs. There is no singular formula.
Dark Horses achieve success by harnessing their individuality. They blaze their own trail to a life of happiness and prosperity. And they do this without connections, money, or super intelligence. Their approach is simply to harness one’s individuality in the pursuit of fulfillment to achieve excellence.
Lesson #18: Coddling is counterproductive. In 2002, children felt less control over their lives than 80% of kids did in the 1960s. Meaning more children feel as though their lives are being determined by others, rather than themselves. Children feel like they have less agency and autonomy.
As the recent college admissions scandal illustrated, children today are being denied a sense of controlling their own lives. That is doing what they find meaningful, and succeeding or failing on their own.
As adults we should be providing more not less opportunities for you to cultivate your internal locus of control.
As Thoreau said, “Life isn’t about finding yourself; it’s about creating yourself. So live the life you imagined.”
Lesson #19: Rethink what it means to be popular or influential. Researcher Mitch Prinstein defines two kinds of popularity. One type is social preference (likability). The other is social reputation (hierarchical status).
Popularity based on likability is derived through genuine, positive, relationship-building behavior .As Prinstein notes, “being attentive to others' needs, making others feel welcome, being kind, leading by joining" leads to more positive interactions which raises our status.
Be cool and popular by being other-centered instead of self-centered or seeking hierarchical status.
Lesson #20: We need contrast to really know anything. To appreciate being young, you need to grow old. You can’t really know warmth until you experience being cold. Yin and Yang aren’t opposites, they are complimentary forces.
So step out of that comfort zone, even if it takes 30 seconds of courage to do so.
Variety is the spice of life and helps to thwart adaptation. Do things differently to keep life interesting.
Lesson #21: Being outdoors is rejuvenating. It lifts everyone’s spirits, independent of playing kickball.
Being in nature has real health benefits. The Japanese have embraced shinrin-yoku or forest bathing since the 1980s.
It isn’t about simply exercising in nature. It is about immersing yourself in nature, connecting yourself with nature using all of your senses. So, go take a hike, literally!
Lesson #22: Take criticism a little less personally. Listen to feedback that matters and is warranted.
As Brene Brown instructs, “If you’re not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback. If you have constructive feedback you want to give me, I want it... But if you’re in the cheap seats, not putting yourself on the line, and just talking about how I can do it better, I’m in no way interested in your feedback.”
“Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who someone else is today.”-Jordan Peterson